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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29479725">Joined</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emilie_786/pseuds/Emilie_786'>Emilie_786</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: Voyager</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alien Cultural Differences, Aliens Made Them Do It, Because that's what I write, F/M, First Contact, Natural Disasters, Negotiations, You know it's romantic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 22:40:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,161</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29479725</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emilie_786/pseuds/Emilie_786</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Unhappy with their new negotiators, Quasairean authorities have demanded they reconcile. Finding themselves joined in words and on a stone, Kathryn and Chakotay continue to confront their feelings. Circumstances are shaky, but to Voyager’s captain and commander, they are undaunting.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>72</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. First Contact</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loopdeloup/gifts">Loopdeloup</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thank you so much Voyagirl47 for the beta and encouragement, I don't think I would have finished this without you, and you made it so much better than it would have been.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Commander, there is a hail coming from the fourth planet in the system. They are requesting to speak with the <em>Voyager Federationers.” </em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Chakotay raised his eyebrows at Harry and smiled. He still found encounters with new alien cultures fascinating. Turning to the main view screen, he assumed his “first contact diplomacy” expression. A green and white <em>striped</em> alien appeared, larger than life, on the screen before him. Chakotay maintained his even expression, “I am Commander Chakotay of the Federation Starship Voyager. Whom do I have the pleasure of addressing?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “C-Commander C-Chakotay, a warm gree-eeting from the people of Quasairea.” By this point, Chakotay had already determined the stutter was an element of the language, and probably had meaning. “I am the P-Premier’s communicator, Hala Penser. We would like to open a dialogue with the l-leadership of your vessel.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “It is a pleasure to speak with you, Hala Penser, and we would enjoy conversing with you and learning more about the people of Quasairea. How do you propose we conduct this dialogue?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “We may begin with a limited remote conference, if it pleases you. Then we may mutually wish to arrange a planetary surface meeting. How many of your leadership would wish to speak with us?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Remotely, our Captain, Kathryn Janeway, and myself can speak with you from a private room here on our ship. If anyone from our ship comes to your planet, it is our protocol to be accompanied by security personnel.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “That is a friendly situation, C-Commander C-Chakotay. When may we begin the remote conference?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Chakotay had sent a message from the command console to Kathryn’s quarters as soon as the hail come through, and he knew she was listening in. He glanced at the console. “15:00” popped up. He smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “We will be ready in three hours.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> The striped alien paused while the translator converted that length of time. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “We are looking toward that meeting time, C-Commander.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">C=: C=:C=:</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn sat on the edge of the conference table, her arms folded across her chest. Chakotay stood beside her, his arms relaxed at his sides, conscious of the way Kathryn’s closed posture could be interpreted by the alien and trying to balance the effect. The striped Quasairean, Hala Penser, explained the intraplanetary conflict that his species had been attempting to resolve for the past 50 orbits with no success. In fact, Hala was explaining, it was getting worse. Then he began to beg for help, with a lot of stuttering. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “In what way do you think we might be able to help you?” Kathryn interrupted him. Chakotay wondered if she really didn’t want to get involved, or if she was still upset because of their “talk” two nights ago. It was unlike her to allow a personal matter to affect her work, but Chakotay couldn’t see any other reason for her to be brusque with the alien. Or, maybe Kathryn had a feeling or insight about these aliens he didn’t know about. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> However, when he questioned her afterward she simply said everything was “fine”. Hala had requested they act as mediators at a meeting between the to two opposing factions on the planet. Kathryn had agreed, but she informed Hala that instead of Chakotay she would be bringing Tuvok. “They are saying their conflict has spread throughout this sector. I need you to be here keeping Voyager safe,” she told Chakotay as soon as the transmission ended, and then she walked out of the room. Chakotay shook his head. He was off duty in 20 minutes. He wondered if Kathryn had actually chosen 15:00 for the meeting so she would not have to be on the bridge with him. She had reassigned herself to beta shift two days ago—the morning after their “talk”, in fact. Chakotay rubbed his face, took a deep breath, and followed Kathryn out of the conference room. She was not on the bridge. Chakotay looked at Tuvok and Tuvok looked at the Ready Room door. Chakotay nodded slightly and went to his seat. For 20 minutes he could contemplate the beauty of the planet they were orbiting. How relaxing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Voyager’s first officer spent the next 14 minutes replaying the night of the “talk” in his mind. Every word Kathryn said. Every word he said. The way her eyes looked in the candlelight. How soft her hair had looked. The way it felt when she pulled her hand away from his. How hard it had been to breathe when she walked out the door. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Fortunately, beta shift began to arrive on the bridge. Chakotay was now supposed to brief the officer who was assuming command before the shift officially changed. That would be Kathryn, of course. He looked at the Ready Room door, sighed, and stood up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> She didn’t look up from the report she was reading. Not when he came in, not when he recited the ship’s status, and not when he said “see you in the morning, Kathryn.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">C=: C=:C=:</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Chakotay didn’t see Kathryn the next morning before she beamed down to Quasairea. He wasn’t surprised about that, but he was surprised that it hurt. A few days ago, she would have stopped by the bridge to say goodbye before she left the ship. He was going to have to get used to this, and sooner would be better. Perhaps a vision quest would help. He spent the morning monitoring the away team’s life signs, tracking their movements, and ensuring there was a transporter lock on them at all times. He was just beginning to think about whether to eat lunch in the mess hall or use replicator rations to eat in his office when Kathryn commed him from the planet’s surface. “Chakotay, you will need to join me after all. Tuvok will be beaming back to Voyager momentarily. Please beam down as soon as you are ready,” then she whispered, “Eat before you come. Janeway out.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Chakotay quickly ate replicated mushroom risotto in his office and headed to the transporter room. Tuvok met him there. “What happened, Tuvok?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “I was not a suitable mediator to the Quasaireans. Apparently, logic offends them.” Tuvok raised his eyebrows indicating he found the aliens incomprehensible. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Chakotay smiled, looking down at the carpet. “I’ll do my best to avoid logic then, Lieutenant. Do you know if arrangements have been made to stay on the planet overnight, or will we beam back to Voyager?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “The Quasaireans have provided suitable accommodations.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “I will see you tomorrow then, if all goes well.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Very well, Commander.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Chakotay stepped on the transporter pad and Tuvok gave the order to beam him to the surface.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">C=: C=:C=:</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">The “room of compromise” was empty, except for Kathryn. She was standing against the far wall, the light of the long windows cascading down on either side of her. Chakotay missed natural light so much on Voyager sometimes. Seeing Kathryn in the sunlight was something he could never get enough of. He crossed the room to her.</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “So they left you here alone?” he teased.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “They are taking a break until a ‘compassionate replacement’ for Tuvok can be found. They strongly suggested you would be the best replacement,” Kathryn answered with her arms folded across her chest.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “What was their problem with Tuvok?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “When they showed us this room and asked if it was acceptable, he said it was a logical place to conduct negotiations. They fell silent and then started whispering to each other all at once. Apparently it is extremely offensive to the Quasaireans to suggest logic as a motivation for anything. Compassion, respect, and altruism are acceptable reasons for one’s actions, but never pure logic. Of course Tuvok was not offended.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Of course not,” Chakotay smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “We have about an hour before they return. I’ll brief you on their conflict.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn explained the opposing sides were divided on whether to prioritize caring for their planet or meeting the needs and wants of the people who lived on the planet. They called themselves the Planeters and the Livers. When Kathryn said the latter term, Chakotay raised his eyebrows and tried to cover his laugh with a cough. “I know,” she said, “It’s just how the translator puts it. I’m sure it has nothing to do with any internal organs in their language.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Chakotay nodded, still smiling, and read the proposals each side had submitted. It appeared they were a long way from a compromise, but they had only asked for Voyager’s help beginning the negotiations. “A premise for the joining of minds” they called it. The Quasaireans seemed to have heard about Voyager from another alien race and thought the Federation must be the most peaceful, intelligent, tolerant, inclusive, loving group of cultures in the galaxy. Chakotay hoped they didn’t somehow find out he had been Maquis and what that meant. They would probably kick him out too. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> The negotiations began with formal greetings and introductions, which included a lot of stuttering. Sitting quietly next to Kathryn, Chakotay observed the Quasaireans’ body language. Their vertical stripes made them look very different in profile, and this was incorporated in their greetings. It was respectful to turn one’s face away from someone slowly, of which Chakotay made a mental note. None of the aliens ever obscured their faces with their hands, and he suspected that was intentional. Also, he noted, they did not nod or shake their heads when conversing. Soon it was dinner time, and they adjourned the negotiations until the next morning. That evening they were all expected to attend a formal meal together and some sort of “cultural exchange” afterward.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn had been right about the food. Chakotay would not be complaining about Neelix’s cooking for a long time. The “cultural exchange” turned out to be an outdoor concert, dance and art show combined into one. The music was soothing and deeply moving at times, and sitting next to Kathryn in the dark under the stars with the chairs so close together was not easy. Chakotay wondered if he would ever feel at peace being close to her again. Dancers came on the stage, fluttering like butterflies or birds, and then abruptly left and a painting of a nebula in reds and greens appeared on the screen behind the stage. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Kathryn was staring at the dancers, absorbed in the show. With great concern, he noticed that she seemed to be near tears. Chakotay moved his hand to cover hers but thankfully remembered why he couldn’t and stopped himself before he touched her. Great Spirits, what have I done to us? he thought. He tried to remain perfectly still for the rest of the performance. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> As the concert ended and they began walking to their rooms, a Quasairean who Chakotay remembered was their Premier’s social—or maybe cultural—advisor approached them. She put a chalk white hand on each of their arms and directed them to a place off the path under a tree that looked like a green umbrella. Quietly she began to explain that several dignitaries from both sides of the conflict had approached her expressing concerns about Kathryn and Chakotay’s suitability for their role of mediators. Kathryn, with practiced patience, asked in what way they might be unsuitable.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “We are intuitive to the hearts of others,” the advisor, whose name was Pralas Hwren, explained. “Am I to know that you have a factual attachment between you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> When Kathryn looked at Pralas with her mouth open and Chakotay coughed, Pralas Hwren tactfully suggested, “Let us adjourn to my office and I will enumerate the details.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> So they followed her, with their security detail in tow. As they entered the office Chakotay nodded to the security officers to stay outside the door. Pralas began, “Y-your deep feelings of affection for each other are apparent to even the least practiced among us. It is not acceptable in our society to display such feelings without the p-proper attachments. It is felt to be an untruth.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn was momentarily speechless, but her indignation quickly took over, “I assure you, Pralas Hwren, we will not display affection for each other in any manner. We need not even sit next to each other at the negotiation table, if that would help.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Chakotay wondered if Kathryn was hoping Pralas would rearrange the seating, so she could get away from him. He shuddered inside. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Controlling yourselves is unlikely. It is seen in a glance, felt in a breath, the tilt of the head, the movement of the eyelids. The speed of the heart is felt by Quasaireans, and you humans have eyes that reveal the inside. Attempting concealment would be untrue to Quasairea as well as to yourselves. Is this your wish? Perhaps you are unsuitable mediators after all.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn was silent for a few moments. Chakotay knew she was weighing whether she wanted to try to keep their positions as mediators or not. The Quasaireans had said the conflict was spreading throughout the sector, so peace was in the best interest of many. Also, one of their three moons had large, pure deposits of dilithium ore. Chakotay knew Kathryn was hoping they would gift Voyager with an opportunity to mine some dilithium as a show of gratitude when the meetings were over. She was also planning to ask for shore leave for the crew. There were other things they needed and might be able to trade for as well, and Chakotay saw them being balanced in Kathryn’s mind against her need to stay away from him. He could feel his heart breaking again.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “If concealing our feelings is not an option, what can we do to make ourselves suitable?” Kathryn finally asked.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Pralas looked at them both as if she were studying them. “There is a reconciliation of love that y-you may undertake. It may only be offered to those whose hearts are turned fully, for it is a joining.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “How do we undertake this reconciliation?” Kathryn asked without hesitation. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “There are words to be spoken and the uniting of souls, and then you will need to make your marks on a stone. I am in possession of the correct stones, if you would like to reconcile now.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn nodded, a bit more hesitant than before. As if it was an afterthought, she looked at Chakotay. He nodded, his eyes never leaving hers. The alien opened a tall cabinet and took out a stone no bigger than Chakotay’s palm with alien writing criss-crossing it. They were to make their marks…that sounded like signing a document. A stone would probably signify a very permanent document. Chakotay studied the alien marks as Pralas set the stone on a small table and placed the table between them. There was no way to know what that stone said, unless they asked Pralas to read it. Chakotay hoped Kathryn would do that, because he didn’t like the idea of entering a contractual agreement without being aware of exactly what he was agreeing to. Of course he realized this was some sort of marriage. He wasn’t sure how aware Kathryn was of that fact, but he didn’t dare interrupt and risk their disqualification as negotiators and his Captain’s wrath. Once Kathryn determined something was worth doing, it was best not to get in her way. So, they were about to be married. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Two of you, together now…” Chakotay tried to commit the words Pralas said to them to memory but his mind was racing. What would happen after this? What would Kathryn do? He glanced at her. She was looking intently at Pralas, almost as if Chakotay were not even there. “…with your lives on their paths merging to one path…” Kathryn’s features were soft in the moonlight. With three moons, the Quasaireans used little artificial light at night. Chakotay tried to memorize the way Kathryn looked. He would treasure this, because no matter what Kathryn chose he would know they were married. He would not forget. “…singly purposed, with one destination determined jointly…” The Quasaireans had seen how much they loved each other. No matter how much Kathryn tried to hide her love, he had already known she loved him. Three nights ago in his quarters he had seen it in her eyes, and so many times before then. Pralas put the stone in Chakotay's hand and then placed Kathryn’s hand on top of it. Chakotay looked at Kathryn’s eyes as she finally looked at him and he decided then that he would treasure being married to Kathryn, even if it meant nothing to her. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Married</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Kathryn Janeway was exhausted. The first day with the Quasaireans had been long and emotionally demanding. Demanding in ways that no aliens had a right to be. Also the food was awful. In fairness, she had begun the day already exhausted. She hadn’t slept well for a few nights now. Since the night…well, a few nights anyway. She followed Pralas down a long corridor to the accommodations, which the alien had apparently switched moments before. Kathryn was strictly not thinking about why the Quasairean would have thought in necessary to change their rooms. Pralas showed Kathryn and Chakotay into one large room, then walked out the door. Kathryn sighed. Well, she’d have to make the best of it. A large oval bed covered with puffy little hills was the most prominent feature in the room. Looking around, Kathryn was relieved to see a sofa to one side. “I’ll sleep on the sofa,” she informed Chakotay.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Kathryn, you do realize we just got married,” he responded.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> She rolled her eyes. “Yes, I figured that out, thank you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> He had the audacity to take ahold of her hand. “You don’t need to sleep on the sofa. That’s not necessary. I want you to be comfortable.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn almost said, “Fine then you can sleep on the sofa,” but she stopped herself. She really didn’t want him to be uncomfortable either. Looking at the bed she relented, “Alright then, we share. ‘Joined at nights,’ isn’t that what Pralas said?” Kathryn realized the mocking tone she used to quote the alien marriage ceremony was perhaps a bit much. Disrespectful. She looked at Chakotay. Oh. It was hurtful. Closing her eyes she took a deep breath and pulled her hand away from him, walking toward the little room on the side to prepare to sleep. Since she had planned on having a private room, she had brought her favorite nightgown. She ran her hand over the pink satin. It was the nightgown or her uniform, so she put it on. Chakotay had seen her in it before anyway. She brushed her hair and her teeth and walked back to the main room. Chakotay was studying some artwork on the far wall, so she tiptoed to the bed, her eyes on him as she climbed onto the lumpy, incredibly comfortable bed. Apparently she was not very sneaky because as soon as she pulled a blanket over herself Chakotay picked up the bag that had been transported to the planet for him and went to change. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn lay facing the side room, her eyes mostly closed, listening to the soft sounds of her first officer preparing for bed. Would she ever hear those sounds again? She could hear his bare feet padding across the floor and watched him through her eyelashes as he walked around the bed. Kathryn knew he would have packed for a private room as well, but she still found herself holding her breath as she watched his shirtless form. The bed moved slightly as he got in the far side. There were plenty of blankets and Kathryn had put one on the far side of the bed so he would have his own. As she lay there listening to Chakotay breathe, she imagined him as he had looked at her in Pralas’s office. She had thought they were going through a rather ridiculous formality just to please some overly sensitive aliens, and for the good of the ship of course. Chakotay’s eyes had told a different story. She had never seen so much love. Not from Mark. Not from Justin. Not even from Chakotay himself three nights ago in his quarters. Nothing came close to that look of devotion and commitment except, well, except New Earth. But their feelings had been so new then, and her heart had, mostly, still belonged to Mark. At least that’s what she had told herself. She wished now she had been honest with herself about her feelings while they were stranded there together. They could have been so happy…for a while. At least then Chakotay and she would have some memories to hold onto. Kathryn thought of the stone she had burned her name into. What had Pralas done with that stone? Chakotay might have it. She would like to know what the Quasairean writing on that stone meant. Someday. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">C=: C=:C=:</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn woke before it was fully light outside. She listened for Chakotay’s breathing but couldn’t hear him. Panicking, she sat up in the bed and looked around the room. There was a bowl of strange fruit on a small table that had not been there the night before. Walking to the table she found a note by the fruit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “I got this for you. Hope it’s edible. Try the pink ones, you might like them. See you in the negotiation room.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Holding the note, Kathryn walked to a window. She realized the sun was already up; it was just dark because the sky was cloudy. The time on the console showed she had one hour until negotiations began. Where was Chakotay? She got ready for the day and ate the pink fruit, which was sweet and spicy, and walked down the long corridor and outside, hoping to find him. She wandered around the beautiful gardens the Quasaireans kept but didn’t see him until she arrived at the tall, arched entry to the “room of compromise”. The clouds were just starting to break then and the morning light was streaming in the windows. Chakotay was standing with a group of the striped aliens, with his hands behind his back and his head tilted down slightly to hear what they were saying. As if he could feel her entering the room he looked up and smiled at her and in that moment, in that smile, she could imagine it really was the morning after she married the love of her life.<em> Because it is,</em> a voice inside her head told her. Without taking her eyes off Chakotay’s, she started across the room to him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> She was a few meters away from him when a group of green and white aliens crossed her path and reality came back to her. <em>Married? No. Not really. We can’t be married. It was just to keep the Quasaireans happy with us. I’ll have to talk to him. Again. </em>She turned to the side and took her seat at the meeting table. Chakotay’s name was on the chair to her right. Of course it was. Kathryn sighed and intertwined her fingers on the table in front of her. She began a very deliberate mental review of the negotiation points planned for that day. The first was about the use of tectonic stabilizers and earthquakes—apparently an urgent issue—the second about various energy sources and environmental contaminants. Looking across the room at the Quasaireans, she could not tell which aliens were from which side of the argument. They all looked essentially the same to her and they were all so friendly with each other, there was really no way to tell. And then there was her first officer still standing in the middle of the room surrounded by aliens, tall and dark compared to the Quasaireans, and so human. But Kathryn wasn’t thinking about Chakotay.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Finally, everyone was seated and the Premier rose to begin the meeting. After the formalities, she introduced and thanked Kathryn and Chakotay, again, and was asking Kathryn to begin the negotiations when a Quasairean in a dark green uniform slid inside the archway. The Premier frowned and stopped in the middle of her sentence, excusing herself for “one sun sparkle,” and went to converse with the Quasairean who Kathryn assumed was a guard. Captain Janeway was fully alert to the situation, and glancing at Chakotay could see he was as well. She may not have conducted as many mediations as some Starfleet captains, but she had read Picard’s logs and knew peace meetings were often a target for those to whom peace did not appeal. She glanced at her own security officers, who looked concerned. Finally the Premier turned back to the assembly, looking, if Kathryn was interpreting her expression correctly, deeply disappointed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “We will not be able to begin negotiating today,” the Premier began, “There is evidence of duplicity by our mediators. A stone of commitment has been found in their accommodations.” At this the Quasaireans all looked at them as if they were surprised, and then slowly began shaking their heads from side to side, increasing the speed until their stripes were a blur. This was clearly not good. But why? A ‘stone of commitment’? Wasn’t that the marriage-Kathryn’s insides twisted a little as she thought that word—stone they had burned their names into last night? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> As the botanical looking Quasairean guards and her own red and black clad security team converged behind their seats, Kathryn and Chakotay rose as one and turned to face them. One of the Starfleet guards had his hand on his phaser, but stood down when Kathryn shook her head in his direction. She did not know what the Quasaireans planned to do with them but whatever it was, there was no fighting it. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Imprisoned</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Within half an hour, Voyager’s command team found themselves back in their luxurious Quasairean room under house arrest. There were forcefields on the doors and windows, their combadges had been taken from them, and they were each sporting ear clips which would alert Quasairean authorities if they attempted to leave. They were alone, waiting to be informed of the evidence and accusations against them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn had begun to look for the ‘marriage stone’ from the night before, and as soon as he realized what she was doing Chakotay had produced it from his pocket. They examined it together, finding nothing they had not seen the night before. The Quasairean writing was illegible to them; however if that stone was in Chakotay’s pocket how could it have been found in their room while they were at the negotiations? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn was pacing, her eyes alternating between the stone on the table with the bowl of fruit and the Quasairean communication console, because they had been told they would be able to talk to Tuvok. She was worried. Expecting Tuvok to investigate and defend them while he was commanding Voyager seemed like too much to ask. Kathryn also worried that if someone had planted some sort of condemning evidence in their room, what else would that person or group do to prevent peaceful negotiations? Was Voyager in danger? Kathryn paced the floor.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> An hour later, five striped aliens were in the room, some sitting and some standing. Hala Penser and Pralas Hwren were both there, as well as the Premier’s legal advisor with an advisor assigned to represent Kathryn and Chakotay, and the investigator assigned to the “tribulation,” as they called the case. Pralas recounted the reconciliation she had conducted the night before. The stone they had burned their names into was examined and the investigator attempted to take it as evidence. Kathryn and Chakotay’s legal advisor, Hrata Plense, objected to this, as it was apparently against Quasairean custom:</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “The stone of reconciliation of <em>love</em> must stay between the two united,” Hrata Plense declared. This was apparently accepted as a universal truth by all present and the stone was placed in Kathryn’s hand and photographed from all sides while she held it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>No,</em> she corrected herself, <em>it is love itself they respect. </em>She looked at Chakotay, who, as was often the case, was already looking at her as if he was searching for something. She guessed he wanted to know if she understood the aliens too. <em>Yes, I do. I know the aliens were right, of course we love each other, </em>she pretended to say to Chakotay telepathically. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Smiling, Kathryn thought of all the “telepathic” messages she had sent him over the years. How many times had she told him she loved him in her mind? That he was the only one she wanted to spend her life with? That she would wait until the Alpha Quadrant or the next millennium or the collapse of the universe for him? If she thought it enough, she reasoned, he would know it without her ever saying the words out loud. If only he would communicate with her the same way. Then again, perhaps he did.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn refocused her mind on the Quasaireans. They were talking about allowing her to contact her ship, but were concerned that she would simply ask for a beam out and they had no way to prevent that since transporter technology was unknown to them. Kathryn sighed. They really were prisoners, their future totally in the hands of the aliens. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> She found out her security team was being held in a room in a different building, without as many security measures as she and Chakotay apparently warranted, and she was assured they were comfortable. All that was left was to assure the Quasaireans that they had no knowledge of the supposed “stone of commitment,” which apparently signified a legal statement that they supported the “livers” and would advance their cause at any cost, even death. The aliens recorded statements from each of them about their personal and professional definitions of the duties of a mediator, their commitments to neutrality, and their personal feelings on the conflict. Naturally each of them supported each side of the conflict in some things, but thought each side was wrong in other ways. However, Kathryn found the differences between her views and Chakotay’s fascinating, and tried to remember everything he said that differed from her own thoughts on the matter so she could ask him about it later. They would, apparently, be spending plenty of time together. And there was nothing Kathryn could do about it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> The Quasaireans left them with the promise of a “tasteful” lunch—which wasn’t a very promising prospect at all—an audio recording of their laws and procedures with a translation matrix, and a commitment that an alien team of scientists and engineers would try to find a way to prevent them from transporting out of the building so they could contact Voyager. Kathryn was tempted to list seven ways in which this could be accomplished, but she knew that could backfire as they may not trust anything she suggested and would therefore eliminate the methods which were simplest and easiest to implement. Hrata Plense, who apologized four times and committed himself to seeking their redemption five times, was the last to leave. And then they were alone.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> When lunch came, they divided the most palatable items between them and then picked at their meals in silence. A gentle rain began outside. Kathryn walked to the window but could not get closer than half a meter from the window pane before running into the forcefield. She folded her arms as she looked at the dreary rain. She could not see the ground or much of the sky at that distance from the window. Only rain. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Chakotay was exploring the room behind her, and she could hear him opening and closing all the compartments he found and testing the forcefields around the door and windows. Closing her eyes, Kathryn imagined herself turning around and walking to him, taking his hand, or wrapping her arms around his neck, feeling his warm arms around her. She tried to draw comfort from knowing he would hold her if she went to him. But then what? Would she be strong enough to pull away? He might kiss her. She might kiss him back. Kathryn had to stop her thoughts. As much as she needed comfort right now, and much as she knew human touch would ease the stress of their situation, she could not allow herself to start something she might be too weak to stop. She knew should not do anything that would promote intimacy between her first officer and herself, but she decided to allow herself to talk to him. About whatever she wanted to. Talk would be ok, but touching was off limits. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> They began by discussing their imprisonment, agreeing it was unacceptable but for the moment they had no prospect for escape. They could only hope Hrata Plense or the investigator would quickly uncover evidence to prove their innocence. Chakotay suggested they listen to the legal material the Quasaireans had left for them. Kathryn agreed, but found it hard to focus on the mechanical sounding translation that included even more strange phraseology for the Quasairean terms than their own universal translator. Her head began to ache—probably from caffeine withdrawal, she admitted to herself—and she decided to lie down as she listened to the recording. The sky was getting darker outside when Kathryn closed her eyes.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">C=: C=:C=:</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn was dreaming that she was sitting on the ground in a field full of flowers—pink, violet, vibrant blue, magenta, and a deep purple. She could see just above the heads of the flowers, and they were all around her in every direction as far as she could see. Velvet blue butterflies as big as her head flew among the blossoms around her. She sat perfectly still until one butterfly flew so close it brushed her cheek.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn’s eyes fluttered open. She was still in the Quasairean honeymoon-suite-turned-prison. Chakotay was kneeling beside the bed, right in front of her, softly brushing her hair back from her face. Alarmingly, Kathryn realized she had forgotten to tell Chakotay her rule about not touching. Well, perhaps she didn’t exactly forget. Maybe she had avoided telling him. The restrictions she placed on their relationship always hurt him. However, she had sensed a shift in how he treated their relationship since their “reconciliation of love” the night before and she knew it was time to define the parameters again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> As Kathryn was attempting to summon the resolve to begin that discussion, she lay on the bed looking at Chakotay’s eyes. He was looking back at her. Kathryn’s thoughts dissipated as he came the tiniest bit closer, and she fought the urge to close her eyes. Her heart began to beat harder. So much harder, as Chakotay came just the smallest bit nearer again and his gaze fell to her lips. Kathryn’s chest actually hurt at the thought of kissing him. She couldn’t breathe. All the reasons she couldn’t kiss him flashed through her mind rapidly. She panicked and she rolled quickly away and sat up in the bed. Oh, her headache. The quick movement combined with holding her breath had brought it back in full force. She covered her eyes with her hands and moaned quietly, as much because of the headache as what had almost happened with Chakotay. <em>Your first officer,</em> she reminded herself. How could she talk to him about parameters when her head hurt so bad?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> She could hear buzzing. Opening her eyes Kathryn saw Chakotay standing by the door, repeatedly brushing his ear against the forcefield. After two minutes of this, a Quasairean opened the door. Chakotay conversed quietly with the alien, and Kathryn only caught the words “caffeine” and “pain.” The Quasairean left, and Chakotay returned to the side of the bed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Kathryn,” he said softly, “the Quasaireans will bring an analgesic for you in a few minutes. They are going to contact Voyager first and speak with the Doctor about the dosage and to make sure the medication is safe for humans. I told them you needed caffeine, but they apparently have nothing like it. I know you need some decent food as well, but I didn’t know how to ask them for that. Perhaps I should insist they let Voyager beam us down our meals. Or even ration packs, they would be better. And coffee. I just don’t know if they would agree to it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn realized Chakotay was rambling, which was unusual, but his voice was soft and soothing and she loved listening to it, headache or not. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “And, Kathryn,” Chakotay began again after a long pause, “I am so sorry. I only meant to wake you up to tell you dinner is here. I—I didn’t plan to—I didn’t mean to—to make your headache worse. I didn’t know your head was hurting, although I probably should have. You haven’t had any coffee since yesterday morning, have you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “No.” Kathryn managed.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Do you think you could eat?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “No.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Can I—would it help if I massage your neck?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn looked at him. The answer was<em> yes</em> but she was in too much pain to explain why she had decided they should not touch each other. She was in too much pain to stand the additional pain hurting him would cause her. Finally all she could do was answer honestly. She nodded her head yes.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Chakotay slid on the bed, careful not to move it too much, and positioned himself behind her. She felt his warmth on her back although only his hands were touching her. His fingers were strong and gentle on her neck and she felt her tension dissolve as she gave in to the overwhelming feeling of Chakotay’s hands on her skin. She closed her eyes and felt herself in a warm lake, the water swaying around her. She felt as if she were bathed in sunlight, even though the room they were in was nearly completely dark now. The moons would not give any light tonight through the thick cloud cover. Thinking of Quasairea’s three moons brought her back to their situation and she sighed. Chaktotay stopped massaging her neck and rested his hands on her shoulders in a comforting gesture that reminded her so much of New Earth. Kathryn was resisting the urge to lean back against his chest when the door chime rang. Chakotay slid off the bed and took something from the Quasairean at the door, exchanging a few quiet words before the striped being turned and left. Then he was back by the bed showing Kathryn some tiny objects in his hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “I know it’s archaic, but they haven’t developed anything like hyposprays here, so you need to swallow these. The medic recommended drinking something when swallowing. Also you have to eat something when you take them.” Chakotay looked at their dinner, which was still on the table across the room. “Would you like to eat in bed, or—,” he smiled a little, “would you like me to carry you to the sofa?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn raised her eyebrows and tried to keep from smiling. She didn’t have it in her to refuse him anything right now. It was good thing all he wanted to do was carry her. She scooted to the edge of the bed and looked up at him. Chakotay really smiled then, with his dimples showing, as he squatted slightly down and slid his arms around and under her. Kathryn put her arms around him and tucked her head into his neck, closing her eyes. She felt weightless as Chakotay walked across the room with her. She didn’t remember the sofa being quite so far away, but that lovely thought dissipated as she was placed gently down and a plate of cold, noxious smelling food placed in her lap. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “I’m packing ration bars in my bag from now on,” Chakotay promised. Kathryn smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Coffee flavored?” she teased. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Hm. No, those are too bitter. I prefer blueberry,” Chakotay teased back but he couldn’t keep from smiling. Seeing his dimples made Kathryn’s heart melt a little more. She picked at her food because she knew she needed to, but it really was awful. She would have taken any flavor ration bar she could get then, even the dreaded cucumber-lime. Chakotay wasn’t even pretending to eat his dinner. <em>He must be starving, his caloric needs are fifty percent greater than mine at least, </em>Kathryn worried. Chakotay was looking around the room, drumming his fingers gently on the arm of the sofa. When he turned his head back to face her Kathryn could see the clip the Quasaireans had put on his ear, and she knew it was the silliest thought but he looked like a pirate with one earring. Kathryn started giggling and covering her mouth to try to hide her laughter. Of course her mind would supply her with an image of Chakotay in full pirate costume, standing on the deck of a weather worn wooden ship with a black flag and a monkey sitting on his shoulder. The monkey was too much, she was really laughing now and Chakotay was looking at her like she was crazy. He got up and knelt on the rug in front of her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Kathryn. Are you alright?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Yes—it’s just—you look like a pirate,” she managed to get out between giggles. Chakotay looked at her like she might be crazy again, frowning his eyebrows for a minute, and then smiled, looking down and tugging his ear. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn reached out and touched the black mechanical looking clip on his ear. “Do you suppose it’s a surveillance device? I mean, are they listening to us, watching us, recording every word?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “I don’t know. They do respect privacy to some degree, but I think they value honesty and transparency more.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “You are probably right. Well, there’s nothing we can say to incriminate ourselves anyway.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “True,” Chakotay said with a mischievous grin, “Shall we give them something interesting to listen to?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Chakotay!” Kathryn threw a small cushion at him, which he dodged and promptly picked up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “What, I was offering to sing to you,” he said very sweetly.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn raised her eyebrows and decided to call him on it, “I would <em>love</em> it if you sang to me, it would help my headache <em>so</em> much.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Chakotay and Kathryn both laughed so hard at this Kathryn wondered if the food smelled so strange because it had been fermented and was intoxicating to humans. That thought was rather alarming, so she ignored it for the moment. When their fits of giggles finally stopped, Kathryn watched the sparkle in Chakotay’s eyes fade.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “I’m sorry,” she said without thinking.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Why would you be sorry?” Chakotay frowned.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “You were thinking of something that made you sad just now. Just after you stopped laughing. I’m sorry for whatever it was.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Kathryn, why would you assume it was about you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn’s eyebrows went up just a fraction. Assume? As if she didn’t know him. As if she didn’t know what she had done to him.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Chakotay sighed in defeat. “I was thinking about the other night. When we talked. In my quarters.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Hope</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Previously:<br/>“You were thinking of something that made you sad just now. Just after you stopped laughing. I’m sorry for whatever it was.”</p>
<p>...Chakotay sighed in defeat. “I was thinking about the other night. When we talked. In my quarters.”</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh.” Kathryn responded. “I figured that was it.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> They sat in silence for a minute, both of them reliving that night. Kathryn didn’t want to think about it, and she didn’t want Chakotay to either. She just wanted to go on, like it never happened. But she couldn’t get the words Chakotay had said out of her head. They had been on a constant loop in the back of her mind for three days now, as a background to her own thoughts. Now they came to the front. “<em>Kathryn, it’s the journey that matters, not the destination. I want to make my journey through life with you."</em></span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> And she had walked out. She couldn't have listened to any more and still kept herself from saying everything that was in her heart. How she missed him every time they were apart for more than an hour. How much she needed him, like she needed air to breathe. How she looked for his dimples every time he smiled. How she would lie in bed at night thinking of ways to make him smile the next morning. How she would stop drinking coffee before she would stop waiting for the time when they could be together. How afraid she was of losing him.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> As the truth played through Kathryn’s mind, Chakotay must have seen it in her eyes because suddenly his eyes filled with hope. He came and sat as close to her as he could on the same sofa, their knees touching, and took both her hands in his. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Is there any hope for us, Kathryn?” He looked at her eyes intently, as if he were trying to see the answer rather than hear it.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Perhaps it was the stress, or the after effects of her headache, or the strange medication, or the food, or the lack of food, but Kathryn couldn’t hold back anymore. She reached for Chakotay, pulling him into her arms, and with her chin on his shoulder she closed her eyes and said, “Yes!” She pulled away and looked in his eyes before continuing. “As long as I live there will be hope for us.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Chakotay put his hand on her cheek, cupping it so gently, and asked, “Kathryn, please let me kiss you.” </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn closed her eyes in defeat and opened her mouth to say what she knew she had to say, but her body betrayed her and she leaned forward slightly. She felt Chakotay lean toward her as well. They were close enough that she could feel his breath on her lips. After a moment he brushed her lower lip with his thumb, and she nearly closed the distance between them herself. She could imagine the shape of his lips, even with her eyes closed. What would it feel like to kiss Chakotay, to be loved by the man she loved so much in body as well as in thought? But at the last second the responsible part of her brain won and she finally answered his question.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Once,” she breathed, just as she leaned one more inch and touched her mouth to his.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> And then he was gone. His lips were gone from hers, his hand was gone from her cheek, and his other hand from where it had been resting on her leg. He was up off the sofaand pacing, his hands behind his back.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “You mean I can only kiss you once. Why would you want that? Are you crazy, Kathryn?”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> A sob escaped Kathryn’s chest. This was it. She was losing him.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1"> Kathryn rushed across the room going up on her tiptoes and pulling Chakotay’s head down to meet his lips with hers.</span> <span class="s1">She kissed him again and again, trying to prove her love to him. It took eleven kisses before he relaxed and moaned, “Kathryn.” His arms were around her then and he was kissing her back with so much love and tender passion that any part of Kathryn’s heart that still had a wall around it melted as her body molded itself to his. She was lost in him already, her senses full of his warmth and his smell and the firmness of his body against hers. Her heart and body were finally in the same place and it felt like home. She had no thoughts; her mind was overwhelmed by the merging of her needs and desires with her actions. His lips were wonderfully strong and soft at the same time. When he picked her up and carried her toward the bed, all Kathryn thought was Y<em>es, I want this.</em></span></p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Being trapped between Chakotay and the soft mattress was a heavenly place. Kathryn felt like she had been cold for years and now she was finally warm. Nothing mattered to her but him—not the 60,000 light years to Earth or Voyager or the Quasaireans. She let her love take over completely. <em>Finally.</em></span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Suddenly Chakotay stopped kissing her and rolled to her side. Lying on his back and breathing heavily he asked, “Kathryn, what is happening?”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn’s mind immediately began to pull all the barriers around her heart back into place. <em>No! </em>She thought. She didn’t want to think about the reasons she couldn’t be with Chakotay. She needed to touch him again, to drive those thoughts away. She reached for him and her fingers found his. He gripped her hand tightly in return and they lay there for a few minutes in silence, their breathing slowly returning to normal.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn tried to organize an answer in her mind. <em>Tell the truth, </em>her conscience insisted. <em>I don’t want to hurt him, </em>she protested. <em>Half truths will hurt him more. Tell him everything. Trust him with your heart.</em></span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Rolling on her side Kathryn brought her free hand up to caress Chakotay’s cheek. Touching him made her feel so free. He closed his eyes and she felt the strength of his love. It made her strong too and she used that strength to say the words:</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “I love you. I was trying to show you I love you.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Chakotay rolled on his side to face her and put his hand on her cheek as well with his fingers in the hair behind her ear. The dim night lamps on the walls had come on and Kathryn could see the love in his eyes as he said, “I love you too, Kathryn. That’s what I was trying to tell you that night in my quarters. I’ve been trying to tell you I love you since we were on New Earth.” He closed his eyes and smiled. “It feels so good to say it,” he opened his eyes and looked directly into hers, “I love you, Kathryn.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face, and she didn’t even try to stop herself from wiggling closer to Chakotay on the bed. She had only just put her lips to his when he pulled away <em>again.</em> </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Kathryn, I don’t want you to feel like you have to kiss me—or do anything else—to prove you love me,” he whispered. “If, for some reason, you don’t want to be with me in that way, that’s OK.” He moved his hand under her chin and tilted her face so she was looking at his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Chakotay, I—“ He stopped her by toughing his finger to her lips.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “You don’t even have to tell me why. I’m going to keep on loving you, Kathryn.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> She searched Chakotay’s eyes until she found what she was looking for. Pain. He was saying it was fine, but it did hurt him. Being this close to him, without all the carefully constructed barriers that she had been keeping around her heart, and with her love for him filling her senses from her head to her toes, she could not bear to see him in pain at all. She usually ran away from his pain and drowned her own in coffee and work. Looking in Chakotay’s eyes feeling the warmth of his hands and the intimacy of lying on the bed so close to him, all of her reasons for distancing herself from the man she loved seemed to be thousands of light years away. He was close, real, and she <em>would</em> heal the pain she had caused him, whatever it took.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Chakotay, the reason I have tried so hard to keep distance between us all these years—since we left New Earth—is that I love you too much. I want to be with you every moment, I want to share every thought with you, I want to make you the center of my life, and I want every decision I make to bring us closer together.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Searching his eyes as she spoke, Kathryn could see the truth was working. There was less pain there. So she rushed on, the words spilling out like water.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “But for now I have 150 people to get home. If it were up to me, I’d fly Voyager right back to New Earth and help you build the coziest log cabin in the Delta Quadrant and grow all our vegetables and explore the planet together.” Chakotay’s eyes were sparkling now, and that was all the encouragement Kathryn needed to continue, “I’d have your children and love them and raise them with you.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> That part might have been too much because Kathryn saw a hunger in Chakotay’s eyes then and his hands gripped her with a little more pressure. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Kathryn…” his voice was low and heavy, “I want a life with you too. But Voyager is my responsibility as well. We offered the crew a chance to settle here in the Delta Quadrant and they each chose not to. They chose not to leave us behind either. We need to get them home. However,” he looked intently in Kathryn’s eyes, “I’m not giving up on us. As long as you say there’s hope for us to be together, I will hope.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Tears started to form in Kathryn’s eyes. “I can’t have that relationship with you and captain Voyager both. Loving you would consume me. It nearly does already. But I’m not asking you to wait for me. I won’t ask that of you. I need you to remember this, Chakotay: I’ll be waiting to be with you until you tell me you’re done with me. I’ve been waiting since New Earth, praying every day that we will find the right wormhole or the right alien technology to get us home. I get so lonely sometimes, but you will always be worth the wait.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Chakotay’s eyes were shining. “You don’t have to ask me, Kathryn, I’ll wait. And when you feel lonely remember this: In spirit I am always with you. Every day, every night, I’ll never leave you as long as I live. Even after I die, my soul will find yours.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn’s eyes were filled with tears, and Chakotay gently wiped away one that was about to drip from her nose.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “I guess we really are married then. In spirit at least,” Kathryn whispered.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Yes, we are,” Chakotay agreed.</span>
</p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">C=: C=:C=:</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Kathryn woke up later to a faint beeping sound. Chakotay’s breathing was deep and steady. Sliding out of his arms and off the bed, she tried to find the source of the beeping before it woke him up. As she padded around the room a dim blinking light on the console drew her attention. She angled the screen away from the bed as much as possible before turning it on and seeing a new message titled “Voyager Status Report, L.C. Tuvok”. Kathryn made sure the audio was down almost all the way before she began the message. She was relieved to hear that Voyager wasn’t in any danger; Tuvok seemed to have the ship well in hand and was beaming down in the morning to investigate the charges against them. “Captain, although the Quasaireans have assured me it is now impossible to transport you from your current location, should Voyager at any time regain a lock on your patterns, we will initiate transport. You may then choose to handle the Quasaireans’ charges as you see fit.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> The recorded transmission ended with the Federation seal. Kathryn noted the time on the screen. About four hours until sunrise. Glancing at the window she saw a sprinkling of stars. Before getting back in bed, Kathryn paused a moment to watch Chakotay sleep in the starlight; he looked more peaceful than she had ever seen him. Then she looked out the window which showed only a tiny portion of the Delta Quadrant. Kathryn thought of all the stars between them and Earth, and she looked at Chakotay again. She no longer doubted that he would wait for her. In that moment she believed their love would survive. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> In her mind, she saw a log cabin with a porch swing and flowers by the door, with dark haired children playing on the grass outside. She thought of her age and how many more years she had before she could no longer reasonably bear a child. Five more years in the Delta Quadrant would probably mean only two children. Seven years would mean only one. Longer than that, and there might not be any. She thought of Chakotay’s grief stricken face when they had talked on the holodeck the night after he found out Seska’s baby was not his. She had to find a way. She had to get them home before it was too late. She slid back into bed next to Chakotay, and as soon as she was beside him he put his arm back around her ribcage. Kathryn lay awake looking out the window for a while, pleading with the universe.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you to Voyagirl47 again, not only for the beta but for the chat that led me to a deeper head-canon understanding of Kathryn Janeway. If that had not happed this chapter would not have existed!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Shelter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The ship was at red alert; Kathryn could hear the klaxons. She could feel Voyager shaking—they must be under attack. She became aware of a fluctuating reverberation coming from deep below her that must mean the warp engines had been severely damaged. She had to get to the bridge, however her body wasn’t responding to the frantic urgency of her mind. She was still asleep.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Chakotay put his hand on her cheek and with his other hand shook her shoulder. “Kathryn! Wake up!” Without waiting for a response, he scooped her up off the bed.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn heard her first officer trying to wake her up. He was in her quarters? Why wasn’t he on the bridge during a battle? Were they abandoning the ship? That thought finally got enough adrenaline in her system to wake her body and she opened her eyes to see—not the grey overhead above her bed on Voyager, but an apricot colored plaster ceiling. As she blinked at the ceiling in confusion a jagged crack spread across its smooth surface. Then Chakotay was lifting her and her arms responded by wrapping themselves around him. He took a few steps carrying her but Kathryn sensed he was not sure what to do. Although she wasn’t sure what was happening yet, she knew she had to take command. She glanced around the room. Quasairea. <em>Their</em> room. Negotiators. Planeters and Livers—and the Planeters had turned the tectonic stabilizers off—that was one of the reasons the negotiations were so urgent to the Quasaireans. This must be an earthquake.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Chakotay, put me down.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> His arms tightened around her.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Commander, put me down now, that’s an order.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Chakotay gently set her on the ground. He was looking around him at the increasing damage to their room. “I’ll check the forcefields again,” he offered. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn scanned the room rapidly, ignoring the increasing damage. “Earthquake protective suits. Inflatable. The negotiation briefing materials said the Planters were supposed to have provided them for every dwelling before the stabilizers were turned off.” A chunk of the ceiling fell behind Kathryn. “Where would they be?”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Chakotay rushed to a cabinet on the wall behind Kathryn. She heard his movement and turned to follow him but the floor shook dramatically just then and she fell over a low table, bruising both her legs and scattering the fruit that had tasted too foul for them to eat. Chakotay had opened the cabinet but turned back to help Kathryn up. Hand in hand they rushed to the cabinet where a pile of a clear acetate-like film dropped out onto the floor. Kathryn had been aware of a low rumbling sound since before she woke up; she realized now it was getting louder. She flipped the clear pile over and it came apart into two equally sized masses. There was a label with some Quasairean writing and a bold line with a circle at one end. Kathryn followed it with her eyes and saw a transparent pocket with a tab protruding from it. As she pulled the tab the ground shook harder than it had before. The pile of plastic filled itself with air so fast that Kathryn and Chakotay—who had both been kneeling on the floor—fell backward. It was definitely a suit, more than two meters long and a meter wide, and looked like an oversized environmental suit made of transparent bubbles. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Commander, get into that thing,” Kathryn ordered as she searched for the pocket and tab on the other clear pile. Chakotay appeared to be contemplating how to put the suit on—or rather, how to enter it—when Kathryn found the tab on the second suit and pulled. Nothing happened. She pulled again. “It’s not working,” she muttered. Opening the pocket with one hand she gently felt around the tab, pinched it at its base, and gave a smooth but very firm pull. The tab came off in her hand. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Chakotay had found an opening in the inflated suit and was trying to widen it when he heard Kathryn give a little squeak. He turned to see her still sitting on the floor, looking at a small rectangle of clear plastic in her hand. His eyes went to the shapeless pile of what was supposed to be the other suit on the floor in front of Kathryn. The rumbling sounded louder again and a chunk above the doorway to the side room fell. Chakotay pried the working suit open further with his hands and moved himself to the side.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Get in, Kathryn.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “That’s your suit, Commander. I’m ordering you to get inside it right now.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Chakotay looked up at the ceiling. About a third of it was missing now. The far corner of the room on the other side of the bed was nothing but a pile of rubble. The floor began shaking then without stopping. He remembered they were on the second story of this building and there was another level above them.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Kathryn, this suit was designed for a Quasairean, so it’s too small for me anyway. You need to get in it before the ceiling collapses. I’ll get under the bed.” Kathryn scoffed at that idea. They both knew the bed would collapse once the ceiling fell, even if Chakotay could fit under it—there was only about 25 centimeters between the bed and the floor.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn walked to Chakotay and put her hand on his shoulder. She seemed ready to say something, but instead she wrapped her other hand around the back of his neck and kissed him. Chakotay felt how precious Kathryn’s love was in the softness of her lips and the way she pulled him firmly against her. He treasured every moment with her, as he had for years, but he wasn’t willing to think of this as the end of his time with her. The image of her breathless body outside a crashed shuttle on a stormy planet would never leave him. He could not—and would never—allow Kathryn to sacrifice herself for him, because he knew what it felt like to loose her. He desperately needed her to be somewhere safe as quickly as possible. Therefore, during what might be their last kiss, he was contemplating whether or not he could physically force Kathryn into the earthquake suit and whether or not she would be able to breathe once she was inside.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn ended their kiss and stepped back.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “No,” she stated, her voice low and firm. “I’m not getting in that thing and leaving you to be crushed. Either you use it or no one does.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Chakotay felt her love wash over him like warm sunlight and he took her hand. They looked around the room together.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Isn’t there a bathtub?” Chakotay asked.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Yes—it’s huge!”Of course Kathryn had noticed. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> They rushed through the doorway, stepping over chunks of debris, and found the tub already had several pieces of the ceiling inside it. It was copper, oval, and definitely large enough for them both. Unfortunately, the two meters of floor between them and the bathtub was covered with shards of broken glass, and they were both still barefoot. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “We can get the—“ Kathryn began, and she started to turn back, but without asking Chakotay picked her up and walked across the room, avoiding the glass as much as he could with the floor moving under him. Kathryn glared at him. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Better for one of us to have cuts on their feet than both of us,” he apologized, “and I didn’t think you could carry me.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Chakotay, we could have put down some towels or blankets or that defective suit! Your poor feet!”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Chakotay set her down on the edge of the bathtub. “Wasting time is not worth the risk,” was his only explanation. Kathryn climbed in and tossed out the chunks of debris with one hand as she held out her other hand for Chakotay. He smiled, and taking her hand he stepped into the deep basin. Kathryn pulled him down and they awkwardly arranged their bodies until they were laying in the bottom of the bathtub with Kathryn tucked close to Chakotay, her back against his chest. He put one leg over her hip and one arm over her arm. Intertwining their fingers, he raised his arm and pulled Kathryn’s with it so both of their arms were bent over Kathryn’s head. Chakotay loved the feeling of sheltering her small, warm body with his own.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Who is protecting your head? Kathryn asked.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “My skull is thicker. I’ll be fine.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Chakotay wasn’t accepting any arguments. Command structure be damned, he was going to protect the woman he loved and she had better not try to order him to do anything else.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Chakotay, I couldn’t go on without you. If I live through this, you had better survive too.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Chakotay pulled Kathryn as close to him as he could and kissed the back of her head. “I told you I would never leave you, Kathryn. Nothing could make me break that promise.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn could hear things breaking all around them: the light fixtures fell and shattered, pictures fell off walls, the walls themselves were breaking, and deep within Quasairea the rumbling continued to intensify until a terrifying boom resonated through the layers of planetary crust and she and Chakotay and their bathtub were shaken as if they were adrift in space while being hit by the shockwaves of a warp core breach.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Dust</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry this chapter took so long! I never meant to leave our lovely command team stuck in a bathtub for a week ;) but life is real...and this thing kept growing.</p><p>Thank you again to Voyagirl47 for the beta work and for bouncing ideas around with me! If this is still a mess it's all on me :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Everything was dark. The only sound was a sifting noise: thousands of tiny broken bits of the building on their way down to settle in the debris. The world was finally still. Kathryn felt the hard metal bathtub under her. She felt the soft warm body behind her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Chakotay,” she whispered. There was no answer, so she closed her eyes and concentrated on feeling him breathe. She had to hold her own breath to feel it, but the rise and fall of his chest was still there. Barely. She desperately wished she had a tricorder. Kathryn wanted to turn herself around to face Chakotay, although she wasn’t sure how well she would be able to assess his injuries while lying beside him in the dark. She couldn’t roll over easily because there wasn’t enough room, and she was afraid to push against him in case he had broken bones. She began to be able to see more and turned her head up as much as she could. The pale blue light of early morning was filtering in around the walls that had fallen on top of them, and there was quite a bit of dust filtering in with it. The dust caught the dim light, shimmering in a strange way. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn knew they needed to get out before the aftershocks began.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Chakotay,” she tried again. He didn’t answer, but she thought his breathing hitched slightly so maybe he could hear her. She eased her arm out from under his and felt behind her, trying to find out how much debris had fallen on him. His torso seemed clear. Reaching down she felt a lump on his hip, but instead of a chunk of plaster on top of him, it felt like a smooth rock under the fabric of his pants. From the size and shape, she realized it must be their marriage stone. Had he slept with it in his pocket? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn could twist her head enough to see that there was nothing on the lower part of his leg—the leg that was covering her own—so she slid her leg out from beneath his and pushed his leg back a little until both her own legs were free. Using her feet and the arm that was pinned beneath her to push, she lifted her lower body enough to have the space to turn it around, and slowly, as gently as she could, she pulled her upper body around with it.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Chakotay’s face was pale. Kathryn hoped that was just an effect of the lighting. She brought her hand up and tenderly felt his head for contusions. His hair was so soft—much softer than she had ever imagined. When she got to the back of his head she felt it—a big, rough, hard chunk of the building, and sticky wetness. She looked at her fingers in the dim light. Definitely blood. She lightly ran the back of her fingers over his tattoo and down the side of his face. She had to get him back to the ship. Why hadn’t Tuvok transported them already? Voyager’s sensors would have recorded the earthquake. Kathryn didn’t think there was enough debris above them to prevent beaming them out; she could only assume that whatever method the Quasaireans had employed to prevent them from being transported was still operational. Most likely it was one of the Quasairean’s forcefields above the roof, like the ones that had been on the doors and windows. But the roof had at least partially collapsed. Kathryn hoped they were not trapped under a forcefield as well as a mountain of debris.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Chakotay moaned. Kathryn quickly moved the piece of debris from behind his head so that if he moved, it would not push against that tender, bleeding spot. Removing the pressure must have caused him more pain because he moaned again and blinked his eyes half open a few times.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Ath-in,” he mumbled.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “I’m here,” she responded and kissed his lips softly.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “You…’urt?” He asked, and it seemed to require a great effort for him to speak.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “I’m not hurt,” Kathryn assured him. Tears escaped from her eyes as she tried to comfort Chakotay with her one free hand. How much was he bleeding? For all she knew there was a pool of blood on the bottom of the bathtub under his head. Was she going to loose him? Their declarations of love the night before—only a few hours earlier—ran through her mind. Their plans for the future. She knew that future was never very likely, but she could not and would not let it go.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Looking up at the debris, she wondered if the Quasaireans knew they were alive and trapped. A surge of anger at the kind, sensitive aliens welled up inside of Kathryn. The Quasaireans had turned off their own tectonic stabilizers, knowing they were releasing a powerful force that had been restrained within their planet, also knowing buildings and homes and most likely lives would be destroyed. They had imprisoned her and Chakotay and so were morally responsible for their safety. If Chakotay died here she would never forgive them.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> If Kathryn tried to move the debris that was balanced on top of the bathtub, she was afraid it would collapse on them both. If she did nothing she was afraid Chakotay would not make it, or an aftershock would crush them. Rolling onto her back as much as possible, she saw a long flat board half a meter wide and longer than the bathtub right above her. Most of the light was coming from a narrow opening at the far side of the bathtub, where the space behind and above Chakotay was covered with chunks of the plaster-like material that the Quasaireans used to construct walls. If they could move the plaster chunks, they would still have to slide or lift the board to have a large enough opening to get out. Kathryn tested the weight of the board above her, gradually increasing her pressure on it until she found that all her strength had no effect at all. Half the roof could be on top of that board for all she knew. She was considering the probable effects that sliding—rather than lifting—the board might have, and had just determined she could not risk trying to slide it with Chakotay lying under the opening, when he began to wake up again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Mmmmmm….” He groaned.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “It’s OK, I’m here, my love,” Kathryn soothed, “Your head is injured. Can you open your eyes?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> His eyes opened slowly but seemed unfocused. “Where,” he asked, sounding more coherent than he had before. Kathryn decided to use what she could of her limited medic training to assess his injury and determine if she should ask him to try to help her dig them out, or wait for rescue and risk the likely aftershocks. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “We are trapped in a bathtub. There was an earthquake. Do you remember what planet we are on?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Stripes…green stripes…”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Good enough, Kathryn thought. “Can you tell me your name, rank, and service number?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Chakotay took a deep breath, closing his eyes again. “Chakotay, Commander, provisional. 47-alpha…612.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Good. And do you know who I am?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> At that Chakotay opened his eyes and for the first time focused them on Kathryn.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “You are my love, my heart, and my reason for existing, Kathryn Janeway.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Between his words, the intensity in his eyes, and her own heart beating more rapidly, Kathryn had some trouble calculating his MAAHIT score. She had to close her eyes.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Fourteen,” she finally said. She hadn’t meant to say it out loud; he really didn’t need to know. The MAAHIT, or Mental Assessment After Head Injury Test—Tom called it “Ma-hit” as a joke, as long as the crew member he was assessing was not badly injured—allowed twenty possible points. A score below ten indicated the patient should not be moved and those who scored five or below were unlikely to survive without long term brain damage. But a fourteen wasn’t so bad, Kathryn thought.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “I’ll be fine then,” Chakotay stated.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Yes, you will live. Long enough to build me that log cabin.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Chakotay smiled, and Kathryn felt a wave of relief wash over her.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “What’s the plan, Captain?” he teased.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Of course Kathryn did have a plan, so she ignored his banter.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “The board above us is too heavy for me to lift. I don’t know what is on top of it, but together maybe we can slide it off. But first, you’ll need to move because the plaster chunks wedged between the board and your side of the bathtub will fall.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> As Chakotay tried to turn to see above him his hand went to the back of this head and he winced. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “I’ll trust your assessment,” he conceded.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> As Kathryn was thinking, Chakotay’s stomach rumbled. “Sorry,” he said.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “I’m sorry,” Kathryn returned, “I should have told you to bring ration bars with you to this miserable planet. I knew how bad the food was. Better yet, I should have told the Quasaireans to find someone else to help them and warped us away from here before we ended up in this mess."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Chakotay's hand found hers and he brought it to his lips, kissing her knuckles. In between kisses he said, “Then…you…would not...be my...wife...right now.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn couldn't help her smile. A thrill went through her at the confirmation that he remembered their marriage. “I already was, you know.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Oh?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “I couldn’t have thought of any one but you in that way. Not since Mm—” Kathryn cleared her throat, “not for a long time.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “There are some young salamanders on a moon about 10,000 light years behind us that might think differently.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Chakotay, if you ever mention that again I will…”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn’s words were cut off by Chakotay’s lips on hers. His kiss was full of the joy of being alive, tender and sweet, but with the promise of passion. “Commander,” Kathryn finally breathed, “We really need to get you to the Doctor.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “But I’ve dreamed of being in a bathtub with you for so long…”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn swatted his arm gently, “Better luck next time, Mister.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> This had Chakotay smiling even more, but their flirting was interrupted by a distant mechanical wailing noise, the same sound Kathryn’s unconscious mind had interpreted as Voyager’s red alert klaxon in her dream.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “The Quasairean’s earthquake warning system,” Chakotay said.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Time to go,” Kathryn replied. “Scoot toward me. Now lift the board with me and slide it this way. One, two, three—“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Together they shifted the heavy slab and heard and felt debris tumble around them. It took every bit of muscle they both had. Chakotay realized he couldn’t have gotten himself out of the tub without Kathryn’s help. She was unusually strong for her size. They helped each other up, a bit unsteadily at first, and saw the open morning sky above them, a shimmer in places proving Kathryn’s theory about the forcefield was correct. Wordlessly, using only gestures and nods, they chose their path through the debris. Chakotay stepped gingerly, favoring his right foot. Kathryn took his hand and tried to support his weight, and he supported her in return when they had to climb over a wall lying at a slant. Once they were over, Chakotay tugged Kathryn’s hand and pointed at a clear plastic bubble barely visible between large sections of what must have been the building’s roof. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> From what Kathryn could see, it was the bottom portion of their one inflated earthquake suit, and the top portion was completely flattened under a big section of the building’s roof. Even the one functional suit would not have saved either one of them. Kathryn was horrified she had ordered Chakotay into what was essentially a useless bag. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Finally, they came to a doorway in the last remaining wall of the building, where they ran into a forcefield. They skirted the wall, still hand in hand, and Chakotay began tossing fist sized chunks of plaster into the perimeter until he found a gap.They were both barefoot, and Chakotay had cuts and glass embedded in the bottom of his feet. The rubble was rough, uneven, and unstable, and by the time they passed through the forcefield every step was painful for both of them. They were a few meters into the gardens when the ground shook beneath them again and the remaining wall of their building collapsed behind them.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Dust billowed up from the ruins of the structures around them as they hobbled to the middle of the garden. Between coughing fits, Kathryn guided them to a cracked bench below one of the green umbrella-like trees under which Pralas Hwren had confronted them about their feelings for each other. Looking around, Kathryn realized that, in the increasing morning light, the clouds of microscopic particles that now filled the city took on an iridescent sheen. “I’m sure Tuvok will beam us out of here soon,” Kathryn reassured Chakotay—and herself—as she gently pulled one of his feet into her lap and began to look for the glass impeded there. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “When he does,” Chakotay winced as she found a piece of glass, “what will happen?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “We’ll be back on Voyager, of course,” Kathryn replied in an even voice, concentrating on the pad of his foot.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Kathryn, please look at me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> She did.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “This is not New Earth. I’m not going through that with you again. Please…” he exhaled and held his breath, his eyes never leaving hers. “Please don’t do that to us again. I can’t stop you, I know I can’t but—“ Chakotay began to cough again.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn’s eyes were filling with tears. Probably from the dust, she thought. She put a hand on Chakotay’s arm as he continued trying to clear his lungs. She had touched him just like that so many times on Voyager, and in that moment she realized why. She touched him so often because she needed to feel that he was real. Not a dream, not a distant possibility. She had plenty of dreams about him—awake and asleep—and in the perfect future of her dreams he was always by her side. But she was in love with a real person who was here, by her side right now. Her eyes fell on the bump in his pocket that she knew was their marriage stone. He was her husband, right now. And if it weren’t for their love, their refusal to let go of each other, neither one of them would have gotten out of that building. Surely their love had served Voyager and her crew well; surely the ship was better off with her command team alive.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “We are stronger together,” Kathryn realized, “so let’s be together.”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1"> Glass shards forgotten, they both leaned into each other and sealed their decision with a deep, passionate, and loving kiss that neither of them wanted to end. At that moment, Kathryn actually hoped Voyager wouldn’t beam them back. Neither of them opened their eyes for several minutes;</span> <span class="s1">they were unreservedly caught up in their own love. </span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1"> Without a thought for his head or his feet, Chakotay trailed kisses over Kathryn’s cheeks and behind her ears, whispering between kisses how much he loved her and needed her and all the joy he felt for their future, finally together, without parameters. Kathryn captured his lips with her own every chance she got and then focused on breathing while he kissed the rest of her face. She knew she was a dusty mess but dismissed that thought almost instantly; she was so relieved to have her love and duty finally reconciled that nothing else mattered. The light years between home had suddenly become much less daunting. Therefore,</span> <span class="s1">neither of them were aware of the cloaked figure approaching from out of the dust. They had assumed the city had been evacuated when the first warning siren sounded hours before. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “I am relieved to find y-you b-both safe! I am Pleata Hnal, a premier member of the Spacer Quasaireans, and I am sent to ensure your life-health.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn stood, stepping toward the alien whose face she could barely see under the rust colored hood of the dusty cloak. “Spacers?” she questioned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “I am not surprised at y-your unknowledge of us. We were not requested to join the negotiation table. We have well-researched reasons to know that this planet is dying. Planters and Livers willfully do not see this. Tectonic stabilizers delayed the inhabitability that is now nearly upon us. The future of the Quasaireans cannot be on this our birth planet. We must search a new home in space. Although we Spacers have given warnings and numerical evidence, most of our people have chosen to remain blind to this realness.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Yet you are here to see to our safety? How did you know where we would be?” Chakotay questioned.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “We knew of y-your imprisonment because we plotted it. My cause-mate placed the deceitful stone in y-your dwelling room. Our apologies. We could not allow the negotiation to proceed without verity. Now that the planet has begun its pains of dismemberment, we will be heard,” the alien paused as if listening to something.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “P-people of your k-kind are near; y-your safety is ensured. I depart,” and he vanished in the dust.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Kathryn and Chakotay looked around and saw no one, but very faintly they began to hear voices in the distance. Familiar voices.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">C=: C=:C=:</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Twenty of Voyager’s crew members who had volunteered for the rescue team landed in the Delta Flyer, with their tricorders ready, as soon as Ensign Kim confirmed the latest round of seismic activity had ended. They set down in an open space beyond what had been the buildings of the city’s center, but all they could see of the city before them was dust. The Quasaireans used a metallic polymeric stabilizer in their construction plaster, which meant the dust contained metals that had prevented them from using the transporters, and from scanning for the command team. They began to fan out, each of them praying or hoping for the human life sign reading on their tricorder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Several minutes later, Samantha Wildman’s voice echoed through the stillness. “This way! Two life signs.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> The rescue team members all looked around and then surged forward as one when they saw two figures, their hands joined, emerge from the clouds of dust.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you all for your comments and Kudos, you give me the motivation to keep writing! </p><p>Thanks again to Voyagirl47, who came up with the idea of the Spacers and helped me find and plug plot holes. She also gave me the encouragement I needed to add some things to this chapter so the intended meaning of the story was (hopefully) fulfilled.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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